Oh Oh It's Still Not Fixed

Despite my best efforts the BeerBox is still in pieces on the kitchen table. Due to an adverse concatenation of circumstances there was just no time to get to it yesterday.

Friday was an adventure in the twilight zone of the retail industry. Our fist stop was a thrift store. We wandered around and I found a really nice Smith Corona manual typewriter, unfortunately Jan would not let my buy it, claiming that the 30 typewriters I already have at home were quite enough. What a spoil sport!

Anyway we did find a few things to buy and it was off to the checkout line. This was where we waited, and waited, and then waited some more. We were about fourth or fifth in line. The lady behind the counter who must have been about 130 years old, should be in the Guinness book of records for being the slowest sales person in the world.

The totally amazing aspect about this was the cash register that she was using. It was set up similar to a McDonalds register, all the buttons had been pre-programmed. If it was a mans shirt, all you had to do was hit the button with 'Mans Shirt' printed on it and the register would ring up $4.99, or whatever.

One would have thought that this would have assisted the easy flow at checkout time. Not for our delightful checkout lady though, each item that she had to deal with was a new adventure. It was almost like she was suffering from very late stage alzheimers, her short term memory of the placement of the register keys being lost after each item.

After a painful 20 minutes we were finaly outside with our purchases in hand. A check of my watch showed that the bar was not open for another 15 mins, and I really needed a beer! The store next door was an 'Organic Supermarket'. That looked like a harmless place to while away 15 mins.


My first reaction was, organic produce, organic prices. My god it was expensive. What did appeal to me though was the fresh celery Root (Celeric), and I decided to buy one to experiment with. This was the second big mistake of the day. Armed with our one item we stand in line at the checkout. Once again we are forth or fifth in line. This 'Organic Supermarket' sells stuff in big tubs that the buyer gets to stick in clear plastic bags, the checkout operators mission in life is to identify which of the 10,000 mixtures of nuts and grains the customer has, weigh it and price it. It quickly becomes apparent that the young man operating the register is not all that conversant with the product line and we are in price check hell!

After 10 minutes we are still fourth in line and the prospects of actually purchasing our one celery root before darkness falls is looking bleak. A young lady comes to our rescue and invites us to a new checkout where we are number one in line. This is good, I am convinced that we will be done with supermarket hell in less than one minute. I mean how hard can it be to price one celery root?

Well as it happens, one celery root turned into quite an adventure.

I tried to be helpful by telling her that it was a Celery Root, after much rustling around of her price list she eventually found the 4 digit code for it, and up pops $5.06 on the register. Even she knew that could not be right. So, after much random punching of buttons on the register she eventually manages to void the transaction, but only after we have run the bill up to $10.12.

I am generally a believer that if it doesn't work the first time, it likely is not going to work the second, third, fourth or fifth time. Our Checkout girl apparently disagreed with my theory and proceeded to keep retrying the same transaction and obtaining the same result.

Eventually the store manager came over, and he tried it, and yes you guessed it, he got the same incorrect result!

The manager goes to Plan B, he whips out a pocket calculator and within 5 mins of furious calculations i.e 'weight of item X cost per pound' (Which I could have done in my head in 5 seconds) he announces that the correct price is $2.16. I hand over the money and at last we are free!

A quick check of my watch shows that the bar has been open for 15 mins. That means it took us 30 mins to buy one celery root! God do I need a beer now!

And that is exactly what we did, actually I think it was three or four beers. hahahaha

So by the time we got home dealing with the BeerBox just did not seem all that important. Maybe today will be better (although I have a sneaking hunch it will not be, but you will have to wait for the next post to find out why! hahahahahah)

Another BeerBox Update

Woo Hoo I have the custom built power supply in my hands. It was air freighted in from Japan. I am hopeful that after a quick quality control shakedown (I drink a 6 pack of Lucky Extra), we can start the install process tomorrow.

The installation team should be in position to perform this delicate operation at about 14:00 Mountain Time (Jan wants to go to the store first to buy some clothes).

I would like to be able to invite members of the press to witness, and photograph the big event, but, because of the highly proprietary nature of the Beerbox, we cannot afford to share our trade secrets with the likes of IBM, Dell, and the rest of the 'hangers on' (My digital camera is broke!).

Unfortunately one of the 'Modules' was damaged during the Emergency Recovery phase (I ripped one of the Lucky Extra boxes extracting the hard drive). The good news is that dropped by our supplier this evening and was able to obtain a replacement (I stopped at the liquor store and bought a 15 pack of Lucky extra).

Assuming we encounter no unforeseen problems (Jan and I spend the afternoon in the bar) the BeerBox should be as good as new by about 16:00 Mountain time!

Damn It, Too Late For This Year

I have started saving my pennies for next Halloween. For the low low price of $2,750 + $225 shipping you can have your own animatronic drunk vomiting in a barrel!

The people who sell this wondrous device even have a video clip, now this is 'must see' TV!

A Quick Data Center Update

Our technicians have been working around the clock to restore the BeerBox (Complete lie).

Unfortunately due to the uniqueness of the BeerBox we are having to have a new power supply built and air freighted from Japan (More absolute rubbish).

Your continued patience in this matter is appreciated (I could fucking care less!).

hahahahahaha

Truth is, I had to go to work this morning, and I was too damn lazy to work on the BeerBox when I got home. Hopefully I'll have it back up in a couple of days. In the meantime the stinking piece of HP junk seems to be doing fine.

Disaster Strikes Simons Data Center!

Those of you that have seen where Jan and I live know that it looks like a mad computer scientists laboratory. We have way too many computers (the good news is that we don't pay the electric bill).


The heart of the data center is without doubt the Beerbox. The beer box is the central hub of activities. It is the main web server, handling the Beerbox and Cajun Delight websites. It is also home to our beloved IRC bot Bartender, It is also host to an IRC server.

Well I got up this morning and discovered to my horror that the Beerbox had bitten the big one. One of the power supplies had died.

Immediate action was called for. Of course the obvious answer was just to replace the power supply. Unfortunately due to the landlords recent visit I had tidied up the place and so I have no idea where my power supplies are right now. Plan B was to rip the power supply out of an IBM that I had laying around.

Of course with the computer being a 'brand name' piece of junk the organ transplant was not possible, IBM uses their own funky power connecter that is NOT a standard ATX configuration (Bunch of bastards)!


After a smoke and a beer, I formulated Plan C. I had a piece of junk HP laying around.

I did a quick organ transplant, I moved the Hard drive and Network card from the Beerbox and put them in the HP piece of crap. The good news was that the Beerbox is Linux based (Redhat for you geeks!). I hit the power button and guess what? Linux could have cared less about the new hardware, it booted straight up and we were back in business.

Try doing that with stinking Windows. Move a hard drive to a new hardware platform and watch Windows belly ache like a whore who has been stiffed on her fee.

The good news is that I should have the Beerbox returned to its original glory tomorrow. Till then it will be just a shadow of its former self.


This repair is going to cost approximately $36. I have the power supply, but I will have to destroy the case to install it. This will require the purchase of two new 15 pack boxes of Lucky Extra.

Too Cool For Words

One of my favorite things in the whole wide world is sailing, particularly sail boat racing. Without doubt my favorite event is the Americas Cup. There is as much action on land as there is on the water. Inevitably there are court cases, bad press, and booze involved. This in my opinion covers all of the major food groups.

My lovely bride has decided that I need to be part of the Americas Cup again. And so she is knitting me a boat from plastic canvas.


I am so excited! I am not sure how waterproof plastic canvas is, or how it will stack up against Carbon fiber and all of the exotic materials that most of the other boats are using, but it sure will be fun!

Jan is the best!!!!!!!

Watch Out World

For the past four and a half years I have had a six day work week. And I was getting really fed up with it! Well I have changed the routine, I am gonna be working a five day week! Soon as I get off work today, I am gonna be gone for two whole days! woohoo!!!

First place I'm going to when I get off the bus is the beer store! Its gonna be a great evening.

zzsimonb getting thirsty just thinking about a beer.

An Attempt At Getting A Darwin Award

For those of you not familiar with the Darwin Awards, it is one that is handed out annually. Generally it is awarded posthumously, to even qualify for entry you must have committed some truly stupid act that proves that you should be removed from the gene pool. Hence the name, it comes from Darwins theory about evolution and survival of the best.

Well, Calgary has a potential entrant

Some idiot decided to play chicken with one of the Light Rapid Transit train.

So, I got downtown this morning, sleepy eyed, hopped of the bus, and walked to the LRT station to travel across town. The first sign that something wasn't quite right was the huge number of people on the sidewalks. It looked like New York, or London, not happy beer drinking, rodeo hosting, Calgary.

It Transpired that Joe Bike running the red light had managed to bring public transit to a complete standstill. All of the LRT lines share a 12 block line through downtown! All three lines ground to a complete standstill. I along with many thousands of other commuters were faced with an often long trek to work. Nothing beats a 12 block walk being jostled all the way by other grumpy computers, to get a good cardiovascular workout.

It turns out that Joe Bike did not die in this Darwinian stunt, and suffered non life threatening injuries. If Joe Bike has any sense he will ask the press not to release his name, because there are thousands of people here in Calgary that would likely kill him if they can find him!

Who Said There Was No News?

Well actually I did say that last night. I was bemoaning the fact that there were no stupid news stories that I could write about for BNN (Blogger News Network).

A recent story that I put together for them involved the indictment of Wesley Snipes for tax fraud. He apparently left common sense at home and took the financial advice off the back of a box of "Cracker Jacks".

I thought the story was pretty funny, but apparently the "Cracker Jack" theory is shared by more than just Mr Snipes and his financial advisors. I received this email, which I have to admit caused me more than a chuckle.

Dear Simon Barrett,

Obviously you haven't done enough research on the subject to have a valid opinion. Might I suggest picking up a copy of 'Cracking the Code' by Pete Hendrickson. There is enough information in that one volume to pique interest in a very detailed subject - I think you're mentioned in there!

What is appalling is the lack of intelligence and understanding on behalf of the citizens of this Republic as to the realities of their Constitution, the Bill of Rights and the entire history of Income taxation in our country. This nation was born of "Tax Protestors", I might remind you. Their protest was 'Taxation without representation'. The modern cry is for "Tax Honesty" and is about 'Taxation with MIS-representation'. It is as valid today as it was for our founders. The difference is the knowledge and understanding and the principles of those noble men who created this Constitutional Republic. That spirit of revolution has not died for those who know the truth.

I am proud that a high profile personality has taken this stance against the fraudulent application of the Income Tax laws. Mr. Snipes works for his living and is commensurately compensated. It is his property. He earned it. He has every right to keep it. There is NO LAW that applies to him to requires him to hand it over - his only error is that he dared to ask for it back!

There is incredible depth to this subject. You could make a career out of covering it. There are numerous individuals, who interviewed would help you tell your readership the actual, honest truth about income taxation in America. Get on it! Don't be a hack. If you're an American who cares about this country and the rule of LAW, then find out what the real story is and report on it.

Every day new people join the movement to restore truth in taxation. People learn and act on the truth. And people continue to receive refunds of unlawfully withheld taxes. I'm always perplexed if all this is so 'untrue', why doesn't the government, the IRS, the DOJ put together a comprehensive and detailed presentation explaining the IRC, the tax laws and the clearly show the LAW that indicates that American's earning unprivileged compensation owe a tax? Surely that would solve everything and we could all get back to our toil with peace of mind! They don't do that. And there is a reason that they don't.

A good place to start would be to talk to Mr. Peter Hendrickson, author of 'Cracking The Code'. His website contact information is www.losthorizons.com

Sincerely,
Spencer Benedict
Neo-Jeffersonian Constitutional Fundamentalist

Now I must admit that I am not quite sure what a Neo-Jeffersonian Constitutional Fundamentalist is, but I can pretty much assume it is some sort of whacko organization!

You just got to love the internet hahahahahaha

I did feel compelled to reply....

I always pride myself on giving everyone the benefit of the doubt. Fair and reasonable press reporting calls for this. To that end I have published your email in full. This should clear up any problems that you had with my earlier story
http://zzsimonb.blogspot.com/2006/10/who-said-there-was-no-news.html

Simon Barrett (falling off his chair laughing).

I am eagerly awaiting the reply....

International Diplomacy, My Way

I have lived in several countries, have visited several more, and have met folks from many other parts of the world. One of the biggest problems that the international citizen faces is how to make it clear to whoever you are dealing with that you are not a happy camper.

In North America this can generally be achieved by using the various parts of the English language that can be derived from the root word ‘Fuck’. This is a very adaptable word, it transfers easily into a verb, noun, adjective, and several other variations. The uses are almost endless. Unfortunately it is not a word that translates well into other languages.

To get the best results for international swearing you do need to understand something about the culture that you are trying to insult.

A good example would be if you were visiting Rome, and ended up in a confrontation with a member of the Catholic church. Telling him “Fuck you!” could well result in an answer of “Your place or mine?”

There are even regional inconstancies within the English speaking western hemisphere, telling a Brit that you are “Pissed” leads him to believe that you are drunk rather than annoyed.

Tell an American that he is talking a “Load of Bollocks” and you will get a vacant stare, they have no clue what bollocks are.

It should be clear that with this level of inconsistency even within the English speaking western hemisphere, there are no set international standards for abuse.

I have spent considerable time investigating this subject, and have come up with the following list of useful phrases. It is by no means comprehensive, but it is a good start to international diplomacy.

Language:
Farsi(Persian) - Meshosham beh seebillet - I piss on your moustache
Kiret biyofteh - May your penis fall off

Russian - Rodilsya cherez jopu - You were born through the ass

Italian - Baciami il culo - Kiss my ass

French - Ta mere suce des ours dans la foret - Your mother sucks bears in the forest

Arabic - Yen 'aal deen ommak - Damn your mother's rooster

The list is endless! I do hope that with these few pointers I can make everyone’s international travel more fun. Hell you can even try it out in your local supermarket the next time some "out of towner" pushes in line at the checkout!

Dot Com 2.0

The Dot Com bubble of the 90’s burst with a big bang, many companies went down having spent huge amounts of investors money on projects that were in hindsight clearly unworkable and unsustainable.

Here we are almost 10 years later and while the projects are still just as unworkable and just as unsustainable but the rules of engagement have changed. Today’s dot com model is a different animal. Create a need in the user community, attract users, lose money, and wait for one of the big dogs to buy you out.

The prime example of this phenomena would have to be YouTube. With almost zero incoming revenue and huge outgoing payments that must have been really squeezing their bank account, they managed to hold on long enough to attract the attention of Google.

Another fine example would have to be Skype, great idea, great product, but no obvious way to generate a revenue stream, then along comes cash rich E-Bay, and problem is resolved.

To a somewhat lesser extent we could also include Writely, Picasso, and Blogger.

Actually if you start to dig around you find that there are many examples.

The Vulture Capital providers seem to be happy with this new world order. So my advice is, think up a money losing scheme and stick with it, oh, preferably a scheme that eats into the profits of Microsoft, E-Bay, Yahoo, or Google. With this approach you are pretty much set for life, you can turn a $100 waste of time into a multi million dollar windfall.


I am thinking of starting an online sales site selling snow blowers in San Diego, and I will have videos, free VOIP, and a word processor. All I need to find is that $10 million in Vulture capital.

So if you want to invest in this great scheme send me an email! hahahahaha

The State Of The Blog Address

I am a relatively new Blogger. And with a newish Blog the problem is how the hell do you get people to visit you? My initial plan was to tell all my online buddies, of course that maxed out at about 2 hits a day! hahahahaha

Plan B was to try the blog swapping sites, the deal here is that you look at other peoples blogs and generate credits, with those credits you 'buy' visitors. There are many of them out there, Blogexplosion and Blogmad are two of the big ones.

If you pound away on the computer for an hour or two you can get lots of new readers, the problem is, are they really readers? Or, are they just looking at the count down timer to click onto the next blog?

For the most part I am one of those people! The vast majority of the blogs that you get taken to are absolute crap! The Blogosphere is neck high in crap. My particular favorites are the 'get rich online' blogs. These are spam, these should be removed by whatever blog service is running the blog!

My other top contender are the political blogs, GET A GRIP GUYS, NO ONE CARES. I am not a political animal, I don't want to sign up to impeach President Bush, I don't want to email my congressman about Joe Blow who is doing something bad in Bum F**K Nebraska. I just don't care! I don't care a hoot about politics, they are all crooks, the label republican or Democrat is more like a gang affiliation, they are Crypts or Bloods! hahahaha

Don't get me wrong here, occasionally you stumble on an interesting blog, I have found several, (maybe as many 1 every 500 clicks).

in my opinion there is no silver bullet to the problem.

I recently started blogging articles for a site that is part of the 'Google News' world, I have found that this generates quite a few unique hits.

Ok I feel much better now, I guess I should have used proper HTML code and put that in a rant block, I believe the code is "< rant >say ya stuff < /rant >"

71% of our members got laid!

What a great title for a piece of spam email. And that was the title of one that Jan got, it is too good not to post here.

Date: Mon, 16 Oct 2006 01:48:33 -0700 (PDT)
Subject: 71% of our members got laid

Do you want to hook up with people who live just minutes from you? Meet girls and guys who just want to have sex? Our dating system can help you out! 67% of our members have already hooked up using our system. What else? it won't even cost you a penny.

I opted to not include the link..... hahahaha you just got to love spam!

I Need Help (Jan says I Need Professional Help)

OK loyal blog readers I need some help. If any of you are Linux users I sure could use your help.

At work we have had about 20 laptops donated to us, they are Toshiba Portege 3110ct model. We refurbish computers and give them away to families that cannot afford to go out and buy one.

These Toshibas are really tiny, they are so small that there is no builtin CD or Floppy drive. They all came with the external Floppy, but without the external CD.


The folks that do the refurbishing were at a loss as to what to do with the systems, so I waded in! hahahahaha

I discovered a 'over the internet' install method of loading Debian Linux on them. All you need are two diskette images, affectionally refered to as Root and Boot (Jan hides them, so I can't lose them). Life is great, and I am sure that folks that just need a portable puter that can do some word processing and Web stuff will be overjoyed to get one of these critters.

I have screwed around for two weeks with them, I have tried every trick in my less than large Linux bag, and try as I might I cannot get the stinking Intellepoint device to work. The Intellepoint is the thing in the middle of the keyboard that looks like the top of a pencil eraser. Plugging in a USB mouse works fine, but I would really like to crack the Intellepoint problem.

Obviously I cannot pay, but, help me with this and you are guaranteed a spot on my 'wall of shame', Pugs and Alistair won't mind, in fact they are probably feeling lonely!