International Diplomacy, My Way

I have lived in several countries, have visited several more, and have met folks from many other parts of the world. One of the biggest problems that the international citizen faces is how to make it clear to whoever you are dealing with that you are not a happy camper.

In North America this can generally be achieved by using the various parts of the English language that can be derived from the root word ‘Fuck’. This is a very adaptable word, it transfers easily into a verb, noun, adjective, and several other variations. The uses are almost endless. Unfortunately it is not a word that translates well into other languages.

To get the best results for international swearing you do need to understand something about the culture that you are trying to insult.

A good example would be if you were visiting Rome, and ended up in a confrontation with a member of the Catholic church. Telling him “Fuck you!” could well result in an answer of “Your place or mine?”

There are even regional inconstancies within the English speaking western hemisphere, telling a Brit that you are “Pissed” leads him to believe that you are drunk rather than annoyed.

Tell an American that he is talking a “Load of Bollocks” and you will get a vacant stare, they have no clue what bollocks are.

It should be clear that with this level of inconsistency even within the English speaking western hemisphere, there are no set international standards for abuse.

I have spent considerable time investigating this subject, and have come up with the following list of useful phrases. It is by no means comprehensive, but it is a good start to international diplomacy.

Language:
Farsi(Persian) - Meshosham beh seebillet - I piss on your moustache
Kiret biyofteh - May your penis fall off

Russian - Rodilsya cherez jopu - You were born through the ass

Italian - Baciami il culo - Kiss my ass

French - Ta mere suce des ours dans la foret - Your mother sucks bears in the forest

Arabic - Yen 'aal deen ommak - Damn your mother's rooster

The list is endless! I do hope that with these few pointers I can make everyone’s international travel more fun. Hell you can even try it out in your local supermarket the next time some "out of towner" pushes in line at the checkout!