Thursday, August 31, 2006

Why I hate Writing Bloody Resumes (Part 2)

Last week I had the wonderful opportunity to write a resume for someone who is 'not from around here'

no-speaky-da-english was a bit of a challenge, but we managed to turn it into a wrap! I was exhausted after this marathon of not actually writing much.

No-speaky-da-english decided that I had not suffered enough during our first encounter and so turned up again today for another session of abuse.

I was having a great afternoon, I had just written an article for a well read web site, had just gotten a couple of emails from 'a real person at google', life, all in all, was pretty darn good.

Then the temperature of the room cooled, the lights dimmed, and in walked No-Speaky-da-english.

Based on the amount of chicken scratches on it, he and everyone else in his entire ethnic community had obviously spent the entire week defacing his resume.

I am bound by privacy laws, so I cannot actually name names, but lets say that he took a course on how to run a 'hand mixer' at Safeway, and as a result has a certificate.

Of course having a 'hand mixer' certificate is an important aspect to anyone's resume.

In the original version of the resume I had the 'Hand Mixer' certificate mentioned under the Education topic.

No-speaky-da-english decided that this was not what he wanted. The changes included:

Objective: To find full time employment with a company that can use my junior 'hand mixer' skills, I have a 'hand mixer' certificate from Hand Mixer University which I got in Aug/06

Highlights Of Qualifications:
Certified 'Hand Mixer' operator, I have a certificate from the Hand Mixer University which I got in Aug/06.

Employment History:
Hand Mixer University, Qualified as a junior 'Hand Mixer' operator (I have the certificate, which I got in Aug/06)

Hand Mixer University where I got a Hand Mixer Certificate Aug/06

Hobbies and Interests:
I like to play with Hand Mixers (I made that one up! hahahahahahaha)

Of course the really sad part about all of this is that he got the 'Hand Mixer' certificate in Ontario, and that is not valid in Alberta. So he is going to have to go back to school to learn it all over again!

The only good part, as far as I can see anyway, there is no Hand Mixer University in Alberta, he will have to get his next one through some Online University.

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